if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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