it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
