Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
