It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
