Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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