You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
