One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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