im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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