Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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