I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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