i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize