When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
