Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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