Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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