Barsexuality is the new black.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
