You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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