I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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