So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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