I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
