I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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