apparently the secret to your success is patron
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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