last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
