And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
