I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
