How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
