there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
