And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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