He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
