This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
