my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
