Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Are my feet made of real feet?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
