My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
