I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
