you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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