Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
