Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
