very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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