ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
