I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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