turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
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isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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