i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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