mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
