I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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