I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize