okay pat passed out under dana's car
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
