I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
