Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My sheets look like a crime scene.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
