If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
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I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
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Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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