I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize