I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
