I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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