i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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