I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
