No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
