he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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