if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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