i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
