just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
