Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You are the jesus of drinking
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
