I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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