Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
