I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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