You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
