I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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