I wanna bring you to show and tell
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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